You don’t want to disappoint anybody, but you know, you lose your voice by trying to please everyone. -Diego Luna
Are you a people pleaser? (We all are to some degree!) Do you have trouble saying no? Do you need the people around you to be happy? Even if it comes at your own expense?
We all enjoy feeling appreciated and that feeling of being needed. It’s easy to see how we can fall into the trap of putting the wants of others before our own wants and needs. That external validation feels so good.
How are you going to reach your own goals if you’re so busy pleasing other people?
Start Small – a chatty friend asks you to lunch, you know this could turn into a multi-hour session of her telling you all about the trouble with her kids, husband, in-laws, and dog. “I can’t meet for lunch, but I could do a quick coffee at 2:00.”
Delay Tactics – stop yourself from immediately agreeing to whatever is being asked of you by replying with some version of, “I’ll get back with you on that.” Do you want to make 100 cupcakes for Little League this week? Pausing before answering gives you the opportunity to think things through completely before giving a definite answer.
Set Priorities – decide what is important to you, make it a priority. You’re worth it. “I’m working on my novel this weekend and can’t help you start your garden.”
People pleasing is a habit that we get into because we win the adoration of those we are pleasing. Unfortunately, it’s also a trap that can keep us from getting what we want.
The following articles may be helpful. And, of course, if you’re finding that you are pleasing others so much that you’ve lost yourself, talking with a professional can help you sort through everything and set boundaries.